I Only Think About Quitting Once Every Two Minutes

I Only Think About Quitting Once Every Two Minutes

‘Do you ever think about quitting?’ ‘Only once every two minutes or so’

 

My boyfriend recently took me to watch Wild, a true story about Cheryl Strayed who hikes the Pacific Crest Trail in search of herself and everything in between. It featured all of my favourite landscapes from the west coast of America as well as some brilliant acting from Reece Witherspoon. Not only that but it made you think, about your own life and how far you would go to put it back together again.

This blog has absolutely nothing to do with this film, expect for the quotes and the thinking it provoked for days after. The quote above suck with me for days and weeks after about my own life. I’ve been doing a Primary Education degree for the past four and a bit months, something that I equally love and hate at the same time. No more so than the last five weeks while I’ve been on placement. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve thought ‘that’s it, I’m quitting’. It has always been about the end result with this degree but getting there is slowly killing me and I’ve not even completed the first year yet.

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University isn’t for me, I’ve never been a person to jump through the hoops just to score the highest grade. I’ve always struggled to stick to the brief of a project or essay and don’t handle the stress of being snowed under with homework. I hate having to read for my course because I can’t face picking up a book for pleasure. I’ve begun loathing writing for pleasure because I have to write so much for university. Over the last four months I’ve repeatedly said that if I could qualify as a teacher by working for free for the next three years I would take that over doing this degree and having to attend lectures and write essays.

Over the last few years I’ve picked up so many hobbies and projects I struggle to find the time to balance everything. I enjoyed having a job I leave behind when I sign out for the day, not the mountains of paperwork that comes with teaching. I’ve already found things to fill my spare time with adjusting to fit everything in, isn’t coming easy. I’m a person who puts both feet into a project but I’m struggling to do so, with any of this university work. All the things that fitted in to my life perfectly last year, everything I had time for and enjoyed are becoming the bane of my life this year. I’m fed up with being poor, I’m tired of being tired and I’m feeling more suffocated by staying still than ever before.

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I want to travel and I want to go now. I’ve learnt that I struggle to commit to anything that leaves me tied down. I’m no good at trying to be a ‘grown up’, get a career and settle down a little. Settling down stresses me out, I like to be free, I like to be able to take opportunities that are thrown at me and I like not knowing what I’m doing from year to year. Even after four and a bit months I’ve not settled into university, I normally find a change to my situation easy to deal with. Still with this change there is part of my that doesn’t want to let it in. I don’t want to stay still, I don’t want to say no because I can’t afford anything and I certainly don’t want to feel like I’m wasting my life, which I frequently do.

All this being said, I’m not quitting, not yet anyway…

CherylStrayedQuotes_1

I’ve got to think of the end goal, the opportunities that being qualified to teach will open up for me. The freedom I will have to work all over the world, the lives I can change and help along the way. I may never have enough time for all of my hobbies as well as being the best teacher I can be but with time I will learn to manage everything better. One day I am going to want to settle down, to have a sustainable career and if I don’t do this degree now I will never do it. I just wish someone who have warned me it would be this hard before I began.

All the beautiful pictures with quotes by Cheryl are from She Knows

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5 Comments

  1. 13th February 2015 / 8:57 am

    Hang in there, Jodie! Keep your eye on that end goal – which will actually give you so many travel options. Having a profession under your belt will open all sorts of opportunities around the world – and teaching is USEFUL to all. Keep at it!
    I slugged through my Masters, whilst working full time, and despaired at the workload many, many times, but now I am so, so glad I did. It put me on the path to my current dream job, which allows loads of travel, and is opening many more doors for the next one!

    Loved Wild, and like you, many of the moments and quotes from the movie stuck with me for the last couple of days after seeing it too.

    • Jodie Louise
      Author
      13th February 2015 / 5:33 pm

      Thanks Tash, it really is all about the end goal and keeping that in mind.

  2. 16th February 2015 / 10:46 am

    I actually watched Wild last night so straight away zoomed to your post! I love Cheryl’s quotes.

    It’s funny, we seem to be completely opposite in terms of university. I felt so much more freedom through university than full time work, and I find full time work drains me far more and doesn’t leave enough time for hobbies!

    But anyway, hang in there. I think it’s great you’re doing this for yourself and looking into the future prospects even though it’s something you know isn’t for you. But honestly, there are some amazing aspects of university – I loved it there. It may take a bit more time to see it. Even when I went right out of school, it took a lot of people more than half of the first year to properly get into it and adjust. It’s a learning curve, for sure, but you’re doing it for good reasons and I really think you’ll pull through.

    Good luck and channel Cheryl Strayed! 🙂

    • Jodie Louise
      Author
      16th February 2015 / 11:09 am

      Thanks Kirsten, I think if I can become settle at uni I may start to enjoy other aspects of it.

  3. 18th February 2015 / 12:06 am

    Must seem so tough Jodie after all the freedom and varied experiences you’ve had all over the world in the last few years – eyes on the prize though as you say and I’m sure it will absolutely open up a thousand doors for you meaning you’ll never have to be tied down if you don’t want to be 🙂

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